Category Archives: life in the fast lane

Reflecting on 2009

2010 is in less than 13 hours. HOLY SHIT Y’ALL!

Wow! This year has totally flown by. It really does seem like we were just at the beginning of 2009. But a lot has happened this year too. I started thinking about everything and came up with a pretty good list of major events(good AND bad) from 2009:

  • I crept one year closer to turning 40. Damn I’m getting old.
  • I visited someone very special to me that I hadn’t seen in nearly 20 years.
  • I found out the company I work for was being bought out and that I would be laid off in early 2010.
  • I surprised my best friend and little sister by flying out to be at her baby shower. Because, of course, I just HAD to be there.
  • I stumbled onto Twitter and it SAVED MY LIFE. Ok, so maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it has totally been The Awesome.
  • I had the priviledge of attending BlogHer@Home and met some absolutely awesome and down-right funny people! (And the BEST Longhorns fans EVAH! HOOK EM!) (And trust me the links above don’t even BEGIN to cover all the amazing people I met. I promise I’m not trying to slight ANYONE!)
  • I finally committed to going back to college and finished my first semester (with A’s, yo! WOOT!)
  • I emancipated mah boobies! Are you shocked? ME TOO! (Yes I’m crazy, but not so crazy to give you the link right to it. If you send booze, then we’ll talk.)
  • My son came out to Utah and visited for the 2nd year in a row (I’m definitely hoping for a 3rd year too!)
  • And with all of that going on, I finally began to find my voice. It took a while, and it’s absolutely a work in progress, but it’s been a lot of fun so far. I look forward to see where the journey leads in 2010.

    I wish all of you a safe and Happy New Year! I sincerely hope that 2010 brings you lots of joy! Bottoms up!

    All my love,

    I’m turning WHAT?????

    Inside out?

    Upside down?

    Japanese? (I don’t really think so, think so, think so, think so.)

    Actually…I’m turning 40. 40. The big four-oh. Ugh.

    My mom used to have a refrigerator magnet that said:

    I’d rather be 40 than pregnant.

    Of course, at the time, I was neither 40 nor pregnant. I thought the magnet was silly and told my mother as much. She just laughed and said that she agreed with the sentiment. Fine mom, whatEVER!

    Well, 40 is quickly approaching, and I have been pregnant a time or two. I no longer think that my mother’s magnet was silly, but I haven’t quite figured out whether or not I agree with the statement.

    Until recently, my age has never bothered me. I’ve been lucky enough to not look my age (and THANKYOUVERYMUCH to whomever had a hand in that!). And I haven’t really exeperienced any real mid-life crisis feelings, unless you count the fact that I’ve poked more holes in my head (like I need more of those, right?). No boy toys, no sports cars, etc. Maybe that happens after I turn 40? Time will have to tell on that.

    The only times I have even been slightly weirded out about my age is when I think of how I have an 19-year old son who is in college. College. Oh my GAWD I’m old! It also doesn’t really help that I’m in college now too (can you say potential paradox?).

    Over a year ago, I decided that I had no intention of spending my 40th birthday in Utah. No. Way. In. Hell. I was gonna do something fun and something REALLY BIG. And I knew that I wanted to share it with one of my dearest friends. I didn’t even have any idea of what to do then, but she said she was totally up for it. So I put my thinking cap on. I heard the gears turning up there and smelled smoke a couple of times but got no real result. Well…..CRAP!

    Then I remembered how much fun I had on a cruise to Cabo I took in 2007 with my friend & an amazing group of gals. And I thought THAT’S WHAT WE SHOULD DO! We always talked of taking another cruise somewhere. And is there a more perfect reason than to commiserate celebrate with someone who is depressed about getting over the hill super excited about being 40 and SEXY!

    So in less than two months, we are off on a cruise to the Bahamas! WOOT! I cannot tell you how excited I am to be spending my 40th birthday doing something really big, just like I planned. And with such great women. I know it will be a birthday to remember… a good way.

    One week down…..

    I actually finished my college checklist. WOOT!

  • Apply/get accepted (completed)
  • Take placement tests (completed)
  • Complete New Student Orientation (completed)
  • Apply for financial aid (completed)
  • Select classes (completed)
  • Register for classes (completed)
  • Start classes VERY IMPORTANT! (completed)
  • I survived my first week, amazingly, considering how much things have changed. I’m taking one in-person class and one online class, but all my homework is online. So weird. I spent hours yesterday doing my homework for my College Algebra class bcuz not only am I learning how to use MyMathLab for homework, I’m re-learning a lot of Algebra (or more accurately refreshing my memory).

    The online class I’m taking is Computer Essentials. If I don’t ace this class, I deserve to be bitchslapped. And I already have friends waiting in line to help me out with that. Gotta love ’em!

    I haven’t written here anywhere near as much as I would like. I hope it doesn’t get worse over the next few months. But who knows, maybe my college experiences will give me even more to write about.

    BlogHer@Home is the bomb, and that’s not just the booze talking.

    Just signed off from an awesome time at It was awesome, just fucking awesome. The chat tonite had some awesome giveaways (I didn’t win, but I’m still hopeful for tomorrow!) and some great laughs. If I didn’t have to be an adult tomorrow and go to work, I would totally still be chatting there now. 😉

    I’m more than lightly toasted, bordering on half-baked. The husband keeps trying to talk to me, but all I hear is, “Wah Wah…Wah…Wah Wah Wah…Wah Wah” (& if you have never watched a Charlie Brown cartoon don’t EVEN ask, you baby!).

    Ok, so I just put on my Beatles CD. WTF? Is this what I listen to when I’m drinkin? Hmmm….not that I can recall, but then again I don’t really remember much right now. It’s probably the booze talking. Or not. I just might be *that* weird. My friends can attest to that.

    Anywhoo, you should totally check out, cuz these bitches are AMAZING! Hope to see you ladies again tomorrow. Thx so much for the hangover that I can complain about tomorrow. You’ll never know how much it means to me. ROFL I should totally go to sleep now. Emphasis on *should*.

    They hire geniuses at Burger King, but only the lower level geniuses.

    There was no way to avoid getting breakfast on the way to work yesterday morning cuz I was starving. My options near work were REALLY limited, which meant…..Burger King. Oh joy. The total for my #1 with bacon and a small coke was $4.72. Perfect. I had a $10 and needed change to pay someone back. I pulled up to the window, handed the worker my money, and asked if I can have 5 $1 back. He stood there. And stared at me. Obviously, what he must have heard was “What is the square root of 5,732,945?”. WE all know the answer to that, but apparently he missed that day at BKU. I didn’t realize that asking for a specific denomination in my change would give him THAT much pause. Had he stood there any longer, I’m sure I would have started to smell smoke coming from his brain as he frantically tried to comprehend the meaning of life question that I posed to him. Wonder what he would have done if I had asked him a REALLY hard question like, “Do you like green eggs and ham? Do you like them, Sam-I-Am?”

    D-Day approaches & I will storm the beaches of Normandy SLCC campus with guns blazing pencils ready.

    The start of the fall semester is looming in the not too distant future, so I figured it was time to take a look at where I am with everything that needs to be done to kick this pig. No, I’m not really going to kick a pig, unless you have treasured loathesome stuffed pig with the stuffing starting to come out that you want to loan me. If we do this, though, you should know it’s safe to say that you won’t get your pig back.

    Wait a minute…..what the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah…college checklist. (Sigh) There are days I still can’t believe I am actually attempting this torture yet AGAIN. But things seem to be falling into place pretty well & quickly, so that must mean that this is the right time in my life to get this done. 3rd time’s a charm, right? Below is my initial checklist that just covers the basics at a high-level. I didn’t think it was necessary to get really detailed by adding things like: (Under Apply for financial aid) Pull at least 1/2 your hair out trying to find all the required financial documentation that you thought you were through with once you finally got off your ass & filed your god damned taxes. That just goes without saying, right?

  • Apply/get accepted (completed)
  • Take placement tests (completed)
  • Complete New Student Orientation (completed)
  • Apply for financial aid
  • Select classes
  • Register for classes
  • Start classes VERY IMPORTANT!
  • I’m applying for financial aid while working on selecting my classes, cuz that’s just the kind of psychotic awesome multitasker I am. I’m even finding time/energy to keep my blog updated with my academic escapades. Damn, I’m good. Now if I could just figure out what my major should be? I couldn’t find professional alcohol consumer on the list. I’m at a loss.

    Mondays are just not good days to try to make me think.

    Driving one Monday, I saw the Subway sign on the left side of the image. I kept reading it over & over, but was still not getting it. I was just about ready to pass the sign when it finally made sense to me & I started laughing my ass off (cuz Mondays also make things much funnier to me). I decided I HAD to get a picture of it after I passed it & turned around. The other side of the sign (right side of image) made me laugh even harder, so I made sure to take pictures of both.

    I am gonna need a whole lotta ????? to get through tomorrow.

    I took tomorrow off work so that I could get all my appointments done in one day. As of right now, here’s how tomorrow should go:

    8 am – DMV for vehicle registration – Draper
    8 am – College placement test – West Jordan (cuz the stinkin’ DMV is closed on Fridays & so now I have to try to get over there right after work today…wtf? Good thing it’s just down the street from where I work. & an explanation of why I’m taking a placement test is coming)

    11 am – Latest chiro S&M session (except that it doesn’t really hurt that much anymore so I guess it’s just more of a manhandling session now. Nice!) – Riverton

    12:15 pm – Orthodontist appointment (daughter) – Riverton (right across the street from the chiro…I actually caught a break there.)

    2 pm – Hair appointment (me) – Sandy

    4:15 pm – Eye doctor appointment (daughter) in Orem

    HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP! Let’s throw something else in there that needs to be done in Ogden while we’re at it cuz I really don’t think I’m gonna be driving enough tomorrow.

    the white truck with the dangly balls…..

    i was driving to a recent chiro appt, minding my own business (which is not entirely true, cuz i was on the way to the chiro & cuz utah is chock full of idiot drivers. lol). i didn’t have much farther to go when i got behind a white truck with something hanging below the rear bumper.

    i was all, “the hell? what IS that?” so i took a closer look.

    & i was all, NO FUCKING WAY! that truck does NOT have testicles hanging on the back of it! but what else could have been? exactly! lucky for me, the truck was in the turn lane next to me when i had to turn to go to the chiro. i quickly take these crappy cell phone pics before we have to turn (cuz i’m a responsible driver in a sea of idiocy, remember?) i then notice that there is a bumper sticker in the back window that says:

    how’s my driving
    call 1-800-eat-shit
    was i surprised? hell no! why wouldn’t a truck with testicles hanging on it have that bumper sticker? i was still laughing when i got to the chiro.
    the next nite, i was out with some work friends, havin‘ some drinks, and some laughs. i remembered that i still had the pics on my cell phone and started to show them to the co-worker sitting next to me. this shit was just too damn funny:

    i admit, there was A LOT of alcohol involved. but can you look at these pics & not laugh? i didn’t think so.

    me: oh! you gotta see what i was driving behind yesterday! (taking out my cell phone)
    micah: was it the truck with the dangly balls?
    me: YES! (now laughing my ass off again) how did you know?
    micah: i’ve driven by it too before. (he’s laughing too). it’s a white truck.
    me: yes.

    *updated* the shock treatments didn’t work…..or did they?

    there might be a problem when an innocent lunch invitation turns into inappropriate daydreams. i mean, is like everyone out there a potential bed buddy in my mind? wtf?

    i think the shock treatments have backfired. either that or they were trying to turn me into a nymphomaniac where no one is safe. that would be awesome.

    update – i gotta call saying that the treatments will be increased. there was also a mention of upping the voltage. apparently i’ve become a danger to society. damn…..i was just starting to come around to the nympho idea.