Category Archives: friends can save you…or commit you

I’m turning WHAT?????

Inside out?

Upside down?

Japanese? (I don’t really think so, think so, think so, think so.)

Actually…I’m turning 40. 40. The big four-oh. Ugh.

My mom used to have a refrigerator magnet that said:

I’d rather be 40 than pregnant.

Of course, at the time, I was neither 40 nor pregnant. I thought the magnet was silly and told my mother as much. She just laughed and said that she agreed with the sentiment. Fine mom, whatEVER!

Well, 40 is quickly approaching, and I have been pregnant a time or two. I no longer think that my mother’s magnet was silly, but I haven’t quite figured out whether or not I agree with the statement.

Until recently, my age has never bothered me. I’ve been lucky enough to not look my age (and THANKYOUVERYMUCH to whomever had a hand in that!). And I haven’t really exeperienced any real mid-life crisis feelings, unless you count the fact that I’ve poked more holes in my head (like I need more of those, right?). No boy toys, no sports cars, etc. Maybe that happens after I turn 40? Time will have to tell on that.

The only times I have even been slightly weirded out about my age is when I think of how I have an 19-year old son who is in college. College. Oh my GAWD I’m old! It also doesn’t really help that I’m in college now too (can you say potential paradox?).

Over a year ago, I decided that I had no intention of spending my 40th birthday in Utah. No. Way. In. Hell. I was gonna do something fun and something REALLY BIG. And I knew that I wanted to share it with one of my dearest friends. I didn’t even have any idea of what to do then, but she said she was totally up for it. So I put my thinking cap on. I heard the gears turning up there and smelled smoke a couple of times but got no real result. Well…..CRAP!

Then I remembered how much fun I had on a cruise to Cabo I took in 2007 with my friend & an amazing group of gals. And I thought THAT’S WHAT WE SHOULD DO! We always talked of taking another cruise somewhere. And is there a more perfect reason than to commiserate celebrate with someone who is depressed about getting over the hill super excited about being 40 and SEXY!

So in less than two months, we are off on a cruise to the Bahamas! WOOT! I cannot tell you how excited I am to be spending my 40th birthday doing something really big, just like I planned. And with such great women. I know it will be a birthday to remember… a good way.

I’ve made my bed, but there are some days I really don’t want to lie in it.

Have you ever had days where you were upset, really upset, about something but you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone about it cuz everyone knows that you made a decision and that your reasons behind that decision were logical and if you complain about having a bad time you will hear them say just suck it up or move on and you desire neither being unfair to them for having to hear about your situation YET AGAIN nor hearing someone else say what you have already said to yourself repeatedly, leaving you feel completely alone?

Yeah, me neither.

Except today…..aaaaannnd maybe yesterday too…..and maybe the day before that. So pretty much every damn day.

Ok… maybe not every day.

There are days when the logic prevails and I’m reminded that this was a GREAT decision. It’s been going well. Everything has been moving forward. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting a little closer.

Then there are the days when I repeatedly kick myself at the stupidity of this self-torture I’ve subjected myself to on a freaking near-daily basis. The days when I wonder just how small I will be made to feel. The days when I think I would be so much better off on my own as a single parent. The days when I think of possible reasons for hiring a hit man drinking myself into oblivion running off with a sugar daddy avoiding going home.

I won’t go into detail as to why I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs today (many days actually). The details aren’t important. And I know that when my best friend in the whole wide world reads this, she’ll be saying, “I’ll take Dumbasses whose names begin with the letter ‘R’ for $200 Alex.” Cuz even though I won’t tell her what’s going on, she KNOWS. And I love her for that.

And I know I will get past this. I will get to one of those days when logic will win out. Hopefully I will start to see more of those.

Gigglesnort of the week

Mondays are rapidly becoming work avoidance days, so I’m getting caught up on my to do list from yesterday.

Many of you are asking, “WTF is a gigglesnort? A lot of my friends can tell you just exactly what it is. A gigglesnort is something that is so amazingly funny, so outrageously funny, so laugh-out-loud funny that it causes me to snort. And it’s no itty bitty snort that leaves you wondering whether or not you really heard it. It’s loud. There’s no mistaking EXACTLY what is and EXACTLY where it’s coming from (i.e. me). And I want to share the things that make me gigglesnort (or come really close to it). Cuz I don’t wanna be alone. I KNOW there is someone else out there that will react just as I do. You know who you are.

So to start it all off an email I received this past week from a friend:

A professor at the University of North Carolina was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, “Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?” She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies.”

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

Disclaimer: I did some research so that I could properly credit the source, but did not find it at the time this was posted. If anyone comes across it, let me know and I will update this post. Thank you!

Countdown to New Moon

My friend Jamie bugged me forEVER to read the Twilight series. Every time I saw her, she asked if I started reading the books yet. Every. Time. And quite a few others I knew were reading the books too. So, finally, I indulged my friend. And then I wanted to bitchslap her cuz I was hooked. Damn her! LOL So now I’m a fan of the Twilight series. I LOVE those books!

Twilight the movie wasn’t as good as the book, but I liked it. Jamie and I saw it together, of course. I am even looking forward to the New Moon movie in theaters November 20th. And I LOVE this New Moon movie poster! Jacob (Taylor Lautner) is freakin HAWT! I grabbed the movie countdown (conveniently on the movie poster I love) from Stephenie Meyer’s New Moon movie website and you can grab it too.

I need to call Jamie so we can make plans to see the movie together.

Dancing in the street? Maybe not today.

It’s raining. The first big fall rain of the year.

Not that sprinkly shit that decides to tease everyone with the possibility of a temperature drop, but then says “PSYCH!” and stops leaving us hot AND wet. Not from the rain, though, but from the following muggi-ness that hangs afterwards.

Afternoon rain reminds me of another afternoon, a freakin’ million years ago (a.k.a. high school). I can’t remember what time of the year it was (cuz it was a freakin’ million years ago. What part of that did you NOT get?). My friend Robyn and I were at my house and it started to rain. Only it was still sunny outside. So what did we do? We went outside and danced in the rain. In the middle of the street. True story. Cars drove by and we waved. WAVED. We waved at them and kept dancing. After, we went back in the house, soaked and laughing.

There are times when I miss those days. Like today. The first big fall rain. And I would love nothing more than to go outside and dance in the rain. Maybe not in the middle of the street. I’m not crazy. I AM NOT!

Ok, so I just looked out the window. It’s raining REALLY hard. And it’s REALLY windy. And there’s thunder and lightning. I think I will have to postpone my rain dancing for now.

Fuck. My car windows are open.

BlogHer@Home is the bomb, and that’s not just the booze talking.

Just signed off from an awesome time at It was awesome, just fucking awesome. The chat tonite had some awesome giveaways (I didn’t win, but I’m still hopeful for tomorrow!) and some great laughs. If I didn’t have to be an adult tomorrow and go to work, I would totally still be chatting there now. 😉

I’m more than lightly toasted, bordering on half-baked. The husband keeps trying to talk to me, but all I hear is, “Wah Wah…Wah…Wah Wah Wah…Wah Wah” (& if you have never watched a Charlie Brown cartoon don’t EVEN ask, you baby!).

Ok, so I just put on my Beatles CD. WTF? Is this what I listen to when I’m drinkin? Hmmm….not that I can recall, but then again I don’t really remember much right now. It’s probably the booze talking. Or not. I just might be *that* weird. My friends can attest to that.

Anywhoo, you should totally check out, cuz these bitches are AMAZING! Hope to see you ladies again tomorrow. Thx so much for the hangover that I can complain about tomorrow. You’ll never know how much it means to me. ROFL I should totally go to sleep now. Emphasis on *should*.

*Updated* Blog Hop ’09 from the perspective of a (not so) noob blogger.

Reading all kinds of blog posts & tweets about BlogHer ’09, I was jealous. I admit it. I wish I was there hangin’ with the big dogs, partyin’ like it’s 1999, & learning from the best. Not this year, though. After finding out about it fairly late, I 1st ticked off the reasons of why I wasn’t worthy to attend & then said, “Screw it. I’m totally worthy!” But then, my mental birthday block temporarily lifted and I remembered that the cruise for my 40th is coming up. BlogHer had to take a back seat this year.

So here I am playin’ Bejeweled Blitz with the green-eyed monster. And I’m not alone. I don’t blame the others either; Bejeweled Blitz is the bomb. The good news is we’re not left out. We can party from home and it’s even better, cuz we don’t have to spend all the money to go to Chicago. We can even party in our pj’s! What’s better than that? Come join Blog Hop ’09 & meet lots of other bloggers out there. I’m definitely not gonna miss this!

Update – I just now caught that I had put Blog Hop ’90 in my title instead of ’09. The fact that I caught that after tossin’ back a few just might be scary. Hmmmmm…..

I should be banned from all staff meetings.

I’m usually pretty quiet in staff meetings. I keep my comments to myself until after when the little groups break apart into their more intimate bitch sessions. Today was another story. I had serious difficulty in keeping my comments to myself today when it came to discussing the merger/layoffs. Granted they were whispered to my friend sitting next to me, but still…..

Co-worker: I wonder what kind of morale booster they will have.

Me: cattle prod.

Co-worker: I’m sure they could come up with a really nice morale booster.

Me: oh…scented cattle prod.

She started rolling & I was laughing so hard I drooled on the table. Everyone else in the meeting was wondering what was wrong with us, especially when she got up to get me a tissue to wipe the table. Cuz no one wants to put their hands in someone else’s spit, no matter how funny the joke was that caused it to be there. I think the department head was glad for the 5 weeks where I missed the staff meetings.