Husband: Why is the TV screen all slobbery and gross?
Me: Umm…..I dunno. I can tell you what it WASN’T from. It was NOT from me making out with Tom Selleck last night.
Me: Cuz that totally didn’t happen. It must have been the dog.
Husband: What dog? We don’t have a dog.
Me: WTF? What do you mean we don’t have a dog? How could you forget Fifi?
Me: Yes, Fifi! Our little cockapoo? The one that bit you on the leg last week?
Husband: YOU bit me on the leg last week.
Me: Nooooo. I was pulling Fifi OFF you. She was upset cuz you were ignoring her. I was trying to protect you. Your welcome.
Husband: We do NOT have a dog.
Me: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? It’s bad enough that you ignore her. Now you’re just being cruel.
Me: Shhhh! Magnum PI is coming on.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if any of that really happened. Except maybe the part about the TV screen being all slobbery and gross. Cuz I don’t need yet another restraining order.
What? You think Tom Selleck would make out with me in real life?
Yeah, me too.