I can totally talk to animals. Some days just take a little more alcohol than others.

Tonight’s human-feline discussion:

Anya (cat): Meow!

Me: Come here. (She rubs against my leg and walks around the table to face me again.)

Anya: Meow!

Me: Come here. (This time she rubs against my hand & lets me pet her for all of 3 seconds before walking around the table again.)

Me: Come here.

Anya: I presented myself for the obligatory petting, now fucking FEED ME!

I’m wondering just how much vodka is left in the bottle.