it is written in the stars…..

here’s my horoscope for today:

No matter whether it’s in terms of friendship or romance, you deserve a relationship that is based on mutual respect — is that what you have? Take a long, hard, honest look at your relationships, today. If you don’t feel like you are getting what you need, it’s okay for you to be more demanding. After all, others are demanding, too, from time to time, and you usually respond very favorably. Doesn’t it stand to reason that they will be responsive to your needs as well?

this so fits where i am right now. i will explain soon…..

no one would blame me, right?

if i just smothered my husband with a pillow? i’m not really serious, but this morning, it was dicey there for a bit. i’ve pretty much been up since @ 3 am this morning. and it’s all bcuz of him & his freakin’ sleep apnea! crap! he’s had it for years, but was diagnosed and started treatment only in the last year or so. now…..let me paint a good & clear pic for you. his snoring is HORRIBLE!!!!! it’s progressively gotten worse over the years to the point where it started either keeping me from falling asleep or waking me up in the middle of night. and many times both! i told him to go get it checked out, but did he? OF COURSE NOT!!!!! why should he listen to me? i don’t know anything. when he was injured a couple of years ago, the hospital staff told him the exact same thing i had been saying. he still didn’t get it checked out. freak! meanwhile, he complained that he wasn’t getting decent rest (DUH!!!!!) and that would just set me off. OF COURSE he wasn’t getting decent rest, cuz he’d stop breathing a million times during the night. HELLO??????? finally he got into a sleep study and was diagnosed with (…..wait for it…..wait for it…..TA DA!) sleep apnea. HOLY FREAKIN SHIT! what a breakthrough! he was placed on a cpap immediately and the pressure is set very high. the mask he has to wear shifts during the night and makes anywhere from a low whistle to a high howling noise. this is helpful? then of course during the night, he takes it off. what happens then? he snores! can’t i get a break here?

so this morning, the mask starts making the howling noise @ 3 am. what does he do? takes it off and immediately starts snoring. i’m awake by now so once the snoring commences, it’s nearly impossible for me to go back to sleep. i finally get up & get ready for work @ 6, and i doubt that i will make it through the day today. but, i will try. and, i will try not to smother him with a pillow tonight. however, if i am unable to resist the urge to have a relatively decent night’s sleep myself, no one would really blame me, right? LOL

& the career rug is pulled out from under me…..

i get into work this morning and find two emails. one states that our company is being purchased by another larger one. the next is that there are meetings this morning to discuss the first email. while in the process of reading these emails, a group from my department came back from one of the meetings and says that i really need to go to the next meeting. the ceo was running the meeting and said that the merger was a really positive thing. of course it is……for him. i’m sure he stands to get a nice chunk of change from all of this. there’s not much that can be said at this point bcuz the deal is not closed yet. what information was available said that they were excited to be able to bring “most” of the existing employees over, but that duplicate positions would be eliminated. i work in payroll – that is definitely a redundant position. any person considering this merger logically would recognize that hr, payroll, and accounting would be at the top of the list of positions to be eliminated. so while it’s business as usual until the deal is closed, i may only have a job for the next 6-8 months. ugh!

where’d that come from?

i had such a strange dream the other night. really strange for me. as usual, i have forgotten a lot of the details. however, i do remember that obama was in it. wtf????? i am not a politically minded person, so the fact that the president elect was in my dream, and in the part of my dream that i remember, is just too weird for me. WEIRD i tell you!

oh, but it gets so much weirder…….. i may not remember many details, but i do know that the dream was sexual in nature. let me say again…..WTF????? am i the new monica lewinsky? the new scandal to take down the first african american president in history? holy crap, i’ll be FAMOUS!!!!!

i know that you can’t take dreams at face value and that the whole thing is probably representing something else going on in my mind (something going on in my mind? me? nah, not possible. there’s nothing up there. i’ve got blond roots, remember?). when i woke up, though, all i could think about is how out of left field that was. note to self: no more of those, please. i’m begging you. LOL

the snow finally got me ………. damn it!

in the past 6 yrs here in utah, i’ve managed to drive pretty well in the snow. my record is now broken, ugh! friday we got hit with a bad storm. it was pretty much whiteout conditions. my dept was allowed to leave early bcuz of the storm. i left work and was getting on the freeway. my car started to slide around a corner and i hit a cement edge. crap! it snapped off part of the rim and screwed up the alignment. luckily no one else was involved and the damage was not that bad. it certainly could have been a lot worse! but, damn it! i was doing so well! LOL

the removal of talon

life isn’t fair. no, this is not news to me. i’ve been well aware of this for quite some time now. sometimes, though, life is just more unfair than it should be.

last night, my friend had to surrender her adopted 6-month old son, talon. a large group of family, friends, and neighbors gathered to support my friend and her family at this difficult time. originally, the family was told the baby would be taken at 6 pm. i arrived at their house at about 5:40 pm. around five minutes later, someone came outside and announced that the baby wouldn’t be taken until 7 pm and that everyone could go either come back closer to then or go inside the house. many wondered, including me, if the delay was a ploy to have fewer people at the house. i decided to stay and went inside to see my friend. she was standing inside the door with talon sleeping in her arms. i hugged her and couldn’t hold back my tears. i whispered how sorry i was, knowing that my words would do little to ease her suffering. i stayed in the house for a while, amazed at all the love and support inside and outside of the house. i really had no idea what to do and felt somewhat helpless, but i heard someone say that it was enough to just be there. two local news crews were there interviewing my friend and others in the house. a police car arrived at 7:15 pm with a car seat then left. the supporters outside, who were talking amongst each other, became quiet. after a while (not sure what time it was), more police cars arrived escorting another car. the people outside were asked to clear the walkways. the supporters began to sing a hymn. my friend and her family brought out talon, placed him in the car, said their final goodbyes, and watched as their son was taken away. i didn’t see anyone there that wasn’t emotional at this point.

my friend has been in a legal battle practically since birth to keep talon. the birth mother, an admitted heroin addict, chose my friend’s family as the adoptive parents. after giving birth and signing over talon, she changed her mind and wanted him back. the birth mother is part native american and got the tribe involved to help get the baby back. the day that talon turned 6 months old, my friend was told that they would have to surrender him to the tribe. both of the birth parents have been deemed unfit due to their drug use, however, so talon will be placed in foster care. this just doesn’t make sense to me! how is it right to take talon from a loving, stable home and place him in foster care just because he is part native american? he doesn’t even have enough blood to be considered for admittance into the tribe, and yet they have fought tooth and nail to make sure that my friend’s family can’t have him. it’s just so wrong! i had the wonderful opportunity to meet talon on friday. i was able to hold him and feed him. he was such a joy to be around. even when he was hungry and tired, he was always happy. the love in the house was so apparent from the moment you walked in, even with all that they’ve been through. so, for me, it is hard to grasp how the tribe can take him from that loving home and place him with strangers.

you can read talon’s adoption story by clicking here. you can also click on the links to see the news stories for ksl channel 5 and kutv channel 2.

step sister – a new definition

it’s taken nearly 20 yrs, but i finally met my other step sister this past weekend. holy cow – has she redeemed my view of step sisters. i have 2 others that have in some ways been very much like drizella and anastasia. and certainly way more often than i would like. i really enjoyed meeting the other one, though. she is 10 yrs younger than me and has a 2 yr old little girl. it was such a pleasure to spend time with them. and her little girl was so cute! i definitely look forward to getting together with her again in the future.

as for the other 2 i have, let’s just say that absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder. (insert evil laugh here – hahahahahaha!)

thankful that thanksgiving is over…..

yea! thanksgiving is really over. whew! that’s not the normal response you might hear, but it is normal for me. lol i’m not a real fan of the holidays, so i’m usually counting the days until the new year just for them to be done and over. don’t get me wrong, i’m not a “bah! humbug!” kind of gal regarding the holidays. i can’t even explain why i feel this way in general. i seem to recall a lot of family holidays feeling forced rather than cheerful. that could have something to do with it. i can say that in the last decade, my annoyance with certain aspects of the holidays have not helped. for example, whose f’n brainstorm was it to start putting out xmas items in the stores before halloween? are ya kiddin’ me? hum de dum, i’m looking for a costume for my child, but 1st let me stock up on xmas wrapping paper and lights for my house. lol and what’s with one of the radio stations out here playing xmas music 24/7 from the day after halloween? gets so bad that by the time xmas does roll around, you might hear me scream at the 1st notes of a xmas song. there might be a reason that many people put a little kick in their egg nog. 😉

a little over the top? perhaps. lol but i don’t think i’m completely alone in my thinking. i am thinking that xmas time would be a good time to go someplace warm & forget about all this. especially if it’s a white xmas which would make me also be thankful for my 4-wheel drive. lol!

Writing about captivity and my bouts with Stockholm Syndrome since 2008.