It’s official…..I’m losing my job. There I’ve said it. I knew it was coming, so I wasn’t surprised.
The merger closed June 11th pretty much right on schedule. From the day the merger was announced I knew Payroll would be absorbed. There were lots of rumors and speculation (what a bunch of gossipmongers!), but I tried to take them all with a grain of salt. I would not falter in my resolve that I was going to lose my job. It was easier that way…..no surprises. Well, no bad surprises anyway. If somehow I managed to survive this merger with my job intact, it would be a pleasant surprise. Much better, I think, than to hold out hope that I would be safe only to get the horrible shock that a significant part of my world was gonna come crashing down. That wasn’t a risk I was willing to take, especially since the husband has been laid off twice in the past 6 years.
However, to say that I was okay with losing with losing my job depended on which day you caught me. I’ve been on a pretty interesting emotional roller coaster since the merger was announced. It’s safe to say that I’ve been through all the phases of grief at least 5 times and not in any real particular order. I always came back to “what’s next for me?” In some ways this could be the best way to move forward with the divorce. And then, there’s the inevitable (& frequent) “WTF am I gonna do now?” I think out loud a lot, but have to be careful who I do that around, cuz if they don’t know how I deal, I could inadvertantly burn a lot of bridges. Not good. The stress of all of it felt like a brick sitting on my chest, but it was manageable so I didn’t worry about it much.
Until this week. We were told a rep from corp HR was coming cuz those who were losing their jobs had to be notified within 30 days of the close of the merger. Yesterday morning, I woke up and the brick had morphed into a 2-ton boulder on my chest. It was all I could do to get ready and actually come to work. I didn’t really need to worry, though. My meeting was in the afternoon & I was ready to get it over with when my time came. They confirmed that my layoff date is 2/28/10 (still somewhat tentative) and that I will get a severance, which will be paid out in bi-weekly installments (the only thing I wasn’t expecting). I got the feeling that the people in the meeting thought I would have some sort of breakdown. Hello? You’re not really telling me anything I didn’t already know. Besides, have you WORKED with the Main Sales Floor? They DRIVE you to want to
quit drink excessively. My brain liver needs a break. Anyway, I walked out of that meeting with more options than I thought I had going in. I now know that I don’t have to hurry to find a job. I’ve got time to check out ALL my options. I’m doing a lot of thinking outside of the box on this one, which is probably what I’m doing if you catch me muttering to myself.
Life goes on and as long as I stop finding gray eyebrow hairs, it will all be good.