Mondays are just not good days to try to make me think.

Driving one Monday, I saw the Subway sign on the left side of the image. I kept reading it over & over, but was still not getting it. I was just about ready to pass the sign when it finally made sense to me & I started laughing my ass off (cuz Mondays also make things much funnier to me). I decided I HAD to get a picture of it after I passed it & turned around. The other side of the sign (right side of image) made me laugh even harder, so I made sure to take pictures of both.

I’m another step closer to finally getting a degree or falling flat on my face.

I’m doing it. I’m really doing it this time. I’m going back to college to get my degree. I think.

I took my English and Math placement tests today so I can register for the fall semester. I really thought I would struggle with the English part more than the Math. After all, I was in Calculus by my senior year. What a fucking crock of shit. A serious wake-up call was headed my way ….. FAST.

The test started with the English portions and I was actually giddy (short-lived unfortunately) to get them out of the way first. There were a few pre-test background questions and then the actual test started. These two sections proved to be the easiest and fastest to take.

Then came the Math portions. There was only one background question that asked how well I knew Algebra. The possible answers were:

a) I don’t know what Algebra is. (I shit you not)

b)Not at all

c)I used to, but I forgot it.



Still thinking Math will be the easier test, I actually debated whether to answer d or e, but finally settled on c. Yeah…’s sad to say how right that answer really was. As you can see from the test scores in the pic below, each math section went a just a little further downhill than the previous section.

Can’t I just take the English portion twice & forget the Math? I didn’t even bother trying to figure out some of the advanced math questions, cuz I knew that those brain cells were permanently damaged from one of my many nites of hard partying. That & they were actual proof that NO WAY have I EVER used advanced math outside of high school (so exactly why did I take those classes?). And none of the questions offered an “I drank my way through high school & a good chunk of the next two decades, so there isn’t a snowball’s chance in Hell that I will have the answer to this question.”, so I did the only thing I could do……….guess. I’m not sure of the wisdom in requiring an answer to each question. What if? Just what if? Someone guessed at the questions and got them right? A possibly remedial student being told to register for college-level calculus. Hmm…..perhaps his luck would continue to hold out. Perhaps not.

So now I have my course placements for English and Math.

If I consider this logically, it looks like I’m about middle of the road on the math class I have to take. I don’t know this for sure (cuz I haven’t checked out the course catalog yet), but I refuse to potentially burst my bubble just yet.

And it may just be me, but I think I rocked the English test.
P.S. Logic does occasionally prevail. I just checked out the course descriptions, and I am around the middle. I can either take College Algebra, Quantitative Reasoning, Intro to Statistics, or College Algebra – Business. Apparently, I only managed to erase the last two years of high school math (Trig & Calc) with my binge drinking. Whew…..
P.S.S. I was right. I DID rock the English test. I’m supposed to take Intermediate Writing. I guess all these years of correcting Robert’s atrocious grammar and my bullshitting really paid off. I hope they don’t find out how full of shit I really am. LOL

I am gonna need a whole lotta ????? to get through tomorrow.

I took tomorrow off work so that I could get all my appointments done in one day. As of right now, here’s how tomorrow should go:

8 am – DMV for vehicle registration – Draper
8 am – College placement test – West Jordan (cuz the stinkin’ DMV is closed on Fridays & so now I have to try to get over there right after work today…wtf? Good thing it’s just down the street from where I work. & an explanation of why I’m taking a placement test is coming)

11 am – Latest chiro S&M session (except that it doesn’t really hurt that much anymore so I guess it’s just more of a manhandling session now. Nice!) – Riverton

12:15 pm – Orthodontist appointment (daughter) – Riverton (right across the street from the chiro…I actually caught a break there.)

2 pm – Hair appointment (me) – Sandy

4:15 pm – Eye doctor appointment (daughter) in Orem

HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP! Let’s throw something else in there that needs to be done in Ogden while we’re at it cuz I really don’t think I’m gonna be driving enough tomorrow.

To find my life story at Blockbuster, you would need to look in the Comedy section.

No…..greek tragedy.

Wait……..drama, total drama.


Romance? No…..I think not.

Just like there’s no way it can be action-adventure…


Fantasy? Definitely some of that in there.

Let’s see…..war? On occasion.

What about adult? Oh hell no, everyone knows it’s definitely not that.

Mystery? Absolutely! Just don’t expect to find out the solution, cuz I’M still waiting for that one!

‘One Of These Days’ gets me every time

When I listen to the last chorus of this song:

One of these days I’m gonna love me
And feel the joy of sweet release
One of these days, I’ll rise above me
And at last I’ll find some peace
Then I’m gonna smile a little
Maybe even laugh a little but
One of these days I’m gonna love me

I reflect on my life & I get very teary. I hope that one of these days I’m gonna love me too.

I can totally talk to animals. Some days just take a little more alcohol than others.

Tonight’s human-feline discussion:

Anya (cat): Meow!

Me: Come here. (She rubs against my leg and walks around the table to face me again.)

Anya: Meow!

Me: Come here. (This time she rubs against my hand & lets me pet her for all of 3 seconds before walking around the table again.)

Me: Come here.

Anya: I presented myself for the obligatory petting, now fucking FEED ME!

I’m wondering just how much vodka is left in the bottle.

if i could go back in time, i would totally kill the person who invented scales, but with my luck i would erase my entire existance

i made the mistake of stepping on the scale yesterday for the first time in quite a while. the resulting display made me think that 1) the husband kept putting one of his feet on the scale with me when i wasn’t looking or 2) scales don’t like to be left alone and lash out at their owners for not taking care of them (i.e. not using them). of course i stepped on it twice just to be sure the mechanisms didn’t get all funky from being stored vertically. i certainly didn’t want to reaffirm what i had already been shown on the display. unfortunately, i couldn’t get that lucky. the second display was exactly the same as the first…….215.5. i know, i can’t believe i am divulging this horribly high number for all to see either. it’s not even the highest i have been, but it’s a number i just can’t seem to get away from and that scares the shit out of me.

there are some days when i look in the mirror and think that, for being almost 40 and having had two kids, i look pretty fucking hot!!!!! other days, i go through self depricating phases of no one in their right mind would want to fuck me. not helpful, yes, i know. i try to focus my thoughts in a different way. by that, i mean, to concentrate on my health and that the rest of it will somehow fall in line. that could very well be. and after my last annual exam, i know that my health has got to come first. my blood tests show that i am borderline type 2 diabetic and that my hdl cholesterol (the good kind) is low. both of which can be corrected with “diet, exercise, and weight loss” (to quote my doctor’s wonderful nurse who made me desperately want to scratch her eyes out over the phone when she told me). i know she was right. i’ve known that i need to do those things for years now. we all have things in our lives that we ‘know’ need to be done, but we have trouble when it comes to the actual application of those things. i do hope that by hearing it from my doctor’s standpoint and voicing it for all the world internet to hear read, i can get a better handle on it and make some real progress. then maybe i will be totally fucking hot and that there would people lining up around the block to fuck me. i’ll keep you posted.