One week down…..

I actually finished my college checklist. WOOT!

  • Apply/get accepted (completed)
  • Take placement tests (completed)
  • Complete New Student Orientation (completed)
  • Apply for financial aid (completed)
  • Select classes (completed)
  • Register for classes (completed)
  • Start classes VERY IMPORTANT! (completed)
  • I survived my first week, amazingly, considering how much things have changed. I’m taking one in-person class and one online class, but all my homework is online. So weird. I spent hours yesterday doing my homework for my College Algebra class bcuz not only am I learning how to use MyMathLab for homework, I’m re-learning a lot of Algebra (or more accurately refreshing my memory).

    The online class I’m taking is Computer Essentials. If I don’t ace this class, I deserve to be bitchslapped. And I already have friends waiting in line to help me out with that. Gotta love ’em!

    I haven’t written here anywhere near as much as I would like. I hope it doesn’t get worse over the next few months. But who knows, maybe my college experiences will give me even more to write about.

    Tales of a 5th grade superstar!


    She’s a superstar in my eyes, of course.

    This child, who regularly sends me to my *happy place*.

    This child, who is not a mini me, but is a spot-on mini him (in personality more than anything).

    This child, who couldn’t wait to get rid of me on her 1st day, even at a brand new school.

    This child, who was FINALLY able to give us the details of her day at school without a single “I don’t know.”

    This child, who was AMAZED at having more lunch choices at her new school (and actually had a salad on her 2nd day. WHO IS THIS GIRL?).

    This child, who is growing up so fast. She truly is a superstar.

    *updated* It’s blog play time with Stacey.

    My blog is in need of an overhaul. I think. Or I’m just SO bored today that I’ll play with my blog design to pass the time. Either way, you guys are gonna LUUUUUUUVVVVVV me! Maybe not after I burn your eyes with some gawd-awful background color that is immediately blinding. LOL

    Suggestions are welcome, along with (contstructive) criticisms. I imagine this will be a work in progress for the next…………oh let’s just say forever! 🙂

    Let’s have some fun!

    Update – Ok so it’s pretty bare bones right now. Bear with me. It’s temporary. And I expect to hear from you if MY temporary lasts for weeks months years forever!

    Work is gonna ban me from the internet.

    Yesterday, I was reading one of the blogs I follow and now I’ll be lucky if they don’t take away my internet access at work. (be warned that it’s potentially NSFW, which is why they’re going to ban me from the internet as work).

    The post started out fairly tame. But then I read where it said that Target sells cock rings and I’m all, “The HELL???” So I read it again and I’m all, “WTF???” The author had to be making this up. HAD to be. So I clicked on the link…..and that was all it took. I immediately transformed into a teenage boy, doing my best imitation of Butthead:

    Huh huh…huh…uhhhhh…huh huh…you said…huh huh…c-c-c-c-cock…huh huh…huh huh!

    But in a much more dignified, womanly manner. Which means that I was drooling on my desk laughing so hard and trying desperately NOT to snort. Oh. My. Gawd. How a few simple words can reduce me to this.

    The rest of the post was a blur, since my mind was totally focused on the fact that TARGET SELLS COCK RINGS. Nothing can worm it’s way into my one-track mind at that point. So don’t even try. After my teenage hormones had *somewhat* settled, I HAD to tell people, “Did you know that Target sells cock rings?” Which, of course, pretty much started the giggles all over again.

    I don’t know if I will ever truly be able to express my gratitude to her for helping to perpetuate my status of the troublemaker at work. Huh huh…huh huh.

    *updated* The series of tweets that became a blog post.

    I’ve totally figured out the cure for my insomnia……….going to work.

    It’s a payroll week and I’m busy, but all I can think of is closing my eyes and going to sleep.

    Fuck people’s paychecks. They don’t need to get paid, right?

    Oh all RIGHT! I’ll pay them, but then I’m putting my head down and going to sleep!

    Ok, so I keep forgetting that I’m sending things to the printer. I get up to do something else and then realize I don’t have what I printed so I print it again.

    OMG I’M KILLING TREES! I should be burned at the stake!

    I need to be stopped cuz it’s not enough that I’m killing trees by wasting paper. Apparently I need to burn them down too for my self-mutilation/self-sacrifice.

    I’m going to hell.

    Good thing I don’t believe in hell.

    And that the liquor store is just down the street.

    Update: So that last line doesn’t really make sense to me, which means I imagine that it *absolutely* doesn’t make any sense to a lot of people. So, let me add that if I’m going to hell, I’ll be the geeky popular wanna be who brings booze to desperately try to fit in.

    Look out Satan… I come and I’m bringin’ a keg to get the party started!

    Auntie Stacey is a slacker.

    I missed the birthdays for my sister’s kids this year. All. Of. Them. The fact that I can’t even remember if I did anything last year for their birthdays is irrelevant. Most of last year I was in a drunken haze. So this year, I set up reminders on Birthday Alarm to help me with my alcohol-induced amnesia. Yeah, well…I think I need to upgrade to the package where they send you a messenger that repeatedly pokes you with a special event cattle prod until you actually DO something to acknowledge the event. To them, not you. It’s all about THEM, remember?

    I’m the fucking world’s worst aunt.

    So here I am, almost a week AFTER the last of their birthdays, and I am just now getting their cards done. I started with my neice’s card. I figure that at 12, she is much more likely to get my humor than the other two (but I toned it down even for her – no need to traumatize her any more than is standard for the near teenage years). So here is how I try to somehow redeem myself:

    Yep I know *exactly* how late I am with this. I do. Many days lately, I am a slacker. Auntie Stacey is a slacker! LOL Even though I am a slacker, I promise you I was thinking of you on your birthday. Were your ears burnin’? I telepathically sent you lots of love, so if you all of a sudden felt warmth and surrounded by a big invisible hug, that was me. 🙂 We hope you had a great birthday! You’ve grown so fast and I can’t forget holding you when you were a baby. Ok I’ll stop embarrassing you now! Just know we love you! Happy Belated Birthday!

    I hope she likes it and forgives me for being such a slacker. Maybe next year will be better. Depends on how much I drink, I guess.

    Some days I just don’t know how I’m going to do this.

    Having this time to myself just wasn’t what I thought it would be.

    When the husband said he was finally being sent out of town for work, I dropped to my knees and cried, “My prayers have been answered, thank you LORD!” But then I remembered that I’m agnostic, so that didn’t really help. I thought that the time apart would be a good break from the tension in the house. And it has been. But along with that, came something I wasn’t expecting. Something that I am having a difficult time explaining (even to myself). I found that I focused on how much I wanted to be free of this ‘arrangement’ and to move on with my life. To hopefully find love again. And I realized how scared I am that I won’t be able to find it. That I won’t be able to have a lasting, loving relationship (that is after the prince charges up on his white steed and sweeps me off my feet – good dream!). It keeps me up at night and helps me plot how I’m going to stab the husband as he sleeps cuz I can he snores.

    I recently bought the eternity necklace above. I’m not superstitious. I just liked the idea of wearing these rings near my heart reminding me of things I need to hold onto through this tough time (cuz I couldn’t find faith, trust, and pixie dust). If they don’t work I can always start rubbing my rabbit’s foot, knocking on wood, and spinning around clockwise 7 times.

    P.S. I’m watching An Officer and a Gentleman on cable and they dubbed over & bleeped out the word wop. This country’s going to hell. I should probably try to get some sleep, but the odds of success are not in my favor. Good thing the husband is not here or he would be in serious danger if he eyeballed me.

    P.P.S. Oh, I need a drink.

    Timing is everything.

    I just know I’m being tested. Tested to see if I can take care of things without the husband. So, of course the check engine light came on in my car when the husband is out of town. And I started to freak out…..a little. I was on the phone with the husband and he told me to take it to the Checker Auto near home to have them pull the code from the computer. I was told at Checker that they weren’t allowed to actually do it for me, but gave me the tool & showed me how to use it. The scan tool wouldn’t establish a link with my car & no it was NOT operator error. Next stop, Auto Zone. By then, I was comfortable enough to ask to use their scan tool, but the employee was nice enough to do it for me. The result was that my car won’t blow up in the near future, but it does need to go to the dealer. Which means I better go to sleep early so I can get it to the dealer in the morning. Bumper-to-bumper warranties are the best.

    Ok, world, I passed this part of the test. I’m ready for round 2.