breakfast of champions….. maybe not…..

my work brings in free breakfast each friday, which i will greatly miss when my job ends up in the shitter. it’s not anything spectacular ….. muffins or doughnuts mostly with the occasional bagels thrown in. sometimes i just wonder if this company is secretly trying to make us all fat. it could happen.

today’s treat is muffins. and not just any ol’ muffins ……. COSTCO muffins! a few of the mixed muffin packages with some fruit thrown in for those that refuse to subject themselves to the gelatenous mess (i will explain) that is the costco muffin. i generally gravitate to the blueberry muffin when there is one bcuz i’ve been waiting for the inevitable throng of people to subside (free food??? HELL YEAH!!!!!). and when there isn’t, chocolate/chocolate chip, bcuz apparently i just don’t have enough self-loathing these days.

i manage to get to the break room while there is still a blueberry or two left. they don’t look the greatest, but then again it is free food. i then stop to talk to a co-worker about mindless shit, cuz it’s friday. i start picking off the top of the muffin and eating it, cuz i’m freakin’ STARVING. i notice that the muffin itself is blue, and not just the blueberries. i’m guessing the baker was just f’n lazy this morning and couldn’t bother him/herself to DRAIN the berries before adding them to the batter. Cuz, it takes all of, like, 10 SECONDS????? moving on ….. i take off the top of the middle, and have to ask “when did they put PUDDING in muffins?” and then i realize ….. my 1st thought was EWWWWWWWW! remember still talking about mindless shit with my co-worker so anything more coherent is probably out of the question. and then i start to wonder just how hungry am i? so i finish my conversation, refusing to touch the now questionably revolting muffin in my hand, and head back to my desk. by then i’m remembering how starving i really am and decide that i can totally pick around it. so i end up scooping out the “gelatenous mess” from the middle and finish my breakfast. what a way to start the morning! i’m so thankful it’s friday……….