Category Archives: the internet has brainwashed me

Reflecting on 2009

2010 is in less than 13 hours. HOLY SHIT Y’ALL!

Wow! This year has totally flown by. It really does seem like we were just at the beginning of 2009. But a lot has happened this year too. I started thinking about everything and came up with a pretty good list of major events(good AND bad) from 2009:

  • I crept one year closer to turning 40. Damn I’m getting old.
  • I visited someone very special to me that I hadn’t seen in nearly 20 years.
  • I found out the company I work for was being bought out and that I would be laid off in early 2010.
  • I surprised my best friend and little sister by flying out to be at her baby shower. Because, of course, I just HAD to be there.
  • I stumbled onto Twitter and it SAVED MY LIFE. Ok, so maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it has totally been The Awesome.
  • I had the priviledge of attending BlogHer@Home and met some absolutely awesome and down-right funny people! (And the BEST Longhorns fans EVAH! HOOK EM!) (And trust me the links above don’t even BEGIN to cover all the amazing people I met. I promise I’m not trying to slight ANYONE!)
  • I finally committed to going back to college and finished my first semester (with A’s, yo! WOOT!)
  • I emancipated mah boobies! Are you shocked? ME TOO! (Yes I’m crazy, but not so crazy to give you the link right to it. If you send booze, then we’ll talk.)
  • My son came out to Utah and visited for the 2nd year in a row (I’m definitely hoping for a 3rd year too!)
  • And with all of that going on, I finally began to find my voice. It took a while, and it’s absolutely a work in progress, but it’s been a lot of fun so far. I look forward to see where the journey leads in 2010.

    I wish all of you a safe and Happy New Year! I sincerely hope that 2010 brings you lots of joy! Bottoms up!

    All my love,

    Fifi saved me from another possbly embarrassing situation.

    Husband: Why is the TV screen all slobbery and gross?

    Me: Umm…..I dunno. I can tell you what it WASN’T from. It was NOT from me making out with Tom Selleck last night.

    Husband: Huh?

    Me: Cuz that totally didn’t happen. It must have been the dog.

    Husband: What dog? We don’t have a dog.

    Me: WTF? What do you mean we don’t have a dog? How could you forget Fifi?

    Husband: Fifi?

    Me: Yes, Fifi! Our little cockapoo? The one that bit you on the leg last week?

    Husband: YOU bit me on the leg last week.

    Me: Nooooo. I was pulling Fifi OFF you. She was upset cuz you were ignoring her. I was trying to protect you. Your welcome.

    Husband: We do NOT have a dog.

    Me: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? It’s bad enough that you ignore her. Now you’re just being cruel.

    Husband: *sigh*

    Me: Shhhh! Magnum PI is coming on.

    Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if any of that really happened. Except maybe the part about the TV screen being all slobbery and gross. Cuz I don’t need yet another restraining order.

    What? You think Tom Selleck would make out with me in real life?

    Yeah, me too.

    Gigglesnort of the week – 10/5/2009

    I follow Jenny The Bloggess. She is butter. Butter I tell you. She is death by butter. Before the chorus of The Hell? hits the comments, let me explain. Chefs always say cooking with butter is awesome. So by calling The Bloggess butter, I’m professing her total AWESOMENESS! I shit you not.

    I also follow another blog that Jenny’s involved with, Good Mom/Bad Mom. This one has some funny shit too, even if the Houston Chronicle tries to contain her awesomeness. You CANNOT contain The Bloggess! Anyway, while reading a recent post, a commenter (TC) provided this week’s gigglesnort:

    What I wanna know is, why the fuck didn’t Santa leave THAT doll under my Christmas Tree? I was screwed.

    Rock on Bloggess and all your awesome followers!

    *updated* It’s blog play time with Stacey.

    My blog is in need of an overhaul. I think. Or I’m just SO bored today that I’ll play with my blog design to pass the time. Either way, you guys are gonna LUUUUUUUVVVVVV me! Maybe not after I burn your eyes with some gawd-awful background color that is immediately blinding. LOL

    Suggestions are welcome, along with (contstructive) criticisms. I imagine this will be a work in progress for the next…………oh let’s just say forever! 🙂

    Let’s have some fun!

    Update – Ok so it’s pretty bare bones right now. Bear with me. It’s temporary. And I expect to hear from you if MY temporary lasts for weeks months years forever!

    Work is gonna ban me from the internet.

    Yesterday, I was reading one of the blogs I follow and now I’ll be lucky if they don’t take away my internet access at work. (be warned that it’s potentially NSFW, which is why they’re going to ban me from the internet as work).

    The post started out fairly tame. But then I read where it said that Target sells cock rings and I’m all, “The HELL???” So I read it again and I’m all, “WTF???” The author had to be making this up. HAD to be. So I clicked on the link…..and that was all it took. I immediately transformed into a teenage boy, doing my best imitation of Butthead:

    Huh huh…huh…uhhhhh…huh huh…you said…huh huh…c-c-c-c-cock…huh huh…huh huh!

    But in a much more dignified, womanly manner. Which means that I was drooling on my desk laughing so hard and trying desperately NOT to snort. Oh. My. Gawd. How a few simple words can reduce me to this.

    The rest of the post was a blur, since my mind was totally focused on the fact that TARGET SELLS COCK RINGS. Nothing can worm it’s way into my one-track mind at that point. So don’t even try. After my teenage hormones had *somewhat* settled, I HAD to tell people, “Did you know that Target sells cock rings?” Which, of course, pretty much started the giggles all over again.

    I don’t know if I will ever truly be able to express my gratitude to her for helping to perpetuate my status of the troublemaker at work. Huh huh…huh huh.

    *updated* The series of tweets that became a blog post.

    I’ve totally figured out the cure for my insomnia……….going to work.

    It’s a payroll week and I’m busy, but all I can think of is closing my eyes and going to sleep.

    Fuck people’s paychecks. They don’t need to get paid, right?

    Oh all RIGHT! I’ll pay them, but then I’m putting my head down and going to sleep!

    Ok, so I keep forgetting that I’m sending things to the printer. I get up to do something else and then realize I don’t have what I printed so I print it again.

    OMG I’M KILLING TREES! I should be burned at the stake!

    I need to be stopped cuz it’s not enough that I’m killing trees by wasting paper. Apparently I need to burn them down too for my self-mutilation/self-sacrifice.

    I’m going to hell.

    Good thing I don’t believe in hell.

    And that the liquor store is just down the street.

    Update: So that last line doesn’t really make sense to me, which means I imagine that it *absolutely* doesn’t make any sense to a lot of people. So, let me add that if I’m going to hell, I’ll be the geeky popular wanna be who brings booze to desperately try to fit in.

    Look out Satan… I come and I’m bringin’ a keg to get the party started!

    I think I had my 1st drunk blogging experience last nite. How did I do?

    You know how after you do something you just have to “talk” about it, so you journal, blog, call your bff, etc. to tell about it? Well, that might not be the best thing for me to do when I’ve been drinkin’. Maybe it is. I dunno. I remember wanting to write about my BlogHer@Home experience last night, but I do not remember anything about actually writing it. And then I read it. LOL I keep going between “Don’t ever fuckin’ do it again!” (which movie?) to “Maybe you should do that more often!”. Obviously, I’m leaning more towards the latter.

    I’m honored to have the crew visit my site, still being a somewhat new blogger. I (soberly) thank you for a laugh-out-loud funny nite and I really look forward to tonite & tomorrow nite.

    I do have to say that I totally meant it when I wrote that you bitches are amazing. And I promise that I can be funny even when I’m sober.

    BlogHer@Home is the bomb, and that’s not just the booze talking.

    Just signed off from an awesome time at It was awesome, just fucking awesome. The chat tonite had some awesome giveaways (I didn’t win, but I’m still hopeful for tomorrow!) and some great laughs. If I didn’t have to be an adult tomorrow and go to work, I would totally still be chatting there now. 😉

    I’m more than lightly toasted, bordering on half-baked. The husband keeps trying to talk to me, but all I hear is, “Wah Wah…Wah…Wah Wah Wah…Wah Wah” (& if you have never watched a Charlie Brown cartoon don’t EVEN ask, you baby!).

    Ok, so I just put on my Beatles CD. WTF? Is this what I listen to when I’m drinkin? Hmmm….not that I can recall, but then again I don’t really remember much right now. It’s probably the booze talking. Or not. I just might be *that* weird. My friends can attest to that.

    Anywhoo, you should totally check out, cuz these bitches are AMAZING! Hope to see you ladies again tomorrow. Thx so much for the hangover that I can complain about tomorrow. You’ll never know how much it means to me. ROFL I should totally go to sleep now. Emphasis on *should*.

    *Updated* Blog Hop ’09 from the perspective of a (not so) noob blogger.

    Reading all kinds of blog posts & tweets about BlogHer ’09, I was jealous. I admit it. I wish I was there hangin’ with the big dogs, partyin’ like it’s 1999, & learning from the best. Not this year, though. After finding out about it fairly late, I 1st ticked off the reasons of why I wasn’t worthy to attend & then said, “Screw it. I’m totally worthy!” But then, my mental birthday block temporarily lifted and I remembered that the cruise for my 40th is coming up. BlogHer had to take a back seat this year.

    So here I am playin’ Bejeweled Blitz with the green-eyed monster. And I’m not alone. I don’t blame the others either; Bejeweled Blitz is the bomb. The good news is we’re not left out. We can party from home and it’s even better, cuz we don’t have to spend all the money to go to Chicago. We can even party in our pj’s! What’s better than that? Come join Blog Hop ’09 & meet lots of other bloggers out there. I’m definitely not gonna miss this!

    Update – I just now caught that I had put Blog Hop ’90 in my title instead of ’09. The fact that I caught that after tossin’ back a few just might be scary. Hmmmmm…..