Can sometimes be so damn erotic.
And just what the doctor ordered.
Can sometimes be so damn erotic.
And just what the doctor ordered.
Husband: Why is the TV screen all slobbery and gross?
Me: Umm…..I dunno. I can tell you what it WASN’T from. It was NOT from me making out with Tom Selleck last night.
Husband: Huh?
Me: Cuz that totally didn’t happen. It must have been the dog.
Husband: What dog? We don’t have a dog.
Me: WTF? What do you mean we don’t have a dog? How could you forget Fifi?
Husband: Fifi?
Me: Yes, Fifi! Our little cockapoo? The one that bit you on the leg last week?
Husband: YOU bit me on the leg last week.
Me: Nooooo. I was pulling Fifi OFF you. She was upset cuz you were ignoring her. I was trying to protect you. Your welcome.
Husband: We do NOT have a dog.
Me: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? It’s bad enough that you ignore her. Now you’re just being cruel.
Husband: *sigh*
Me: Shhhh! Magnum PI is coming on.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if any of that really happened. Except maybe the part about the TV screen being all slobbery and gross. Cuz I don’t need yet another restraining order.
What? You think Tom Selleck would make out with me in real life?
Yeah, me too.
Many of you are asking, “WTF is a gigglesnort? A lot of my friends can tell you just exactly what it is. A gigglesnort is something that is so amazingly funny, so outrageously funny, so laugh-out-loud funny that it causes me to snort. And it’s no itty bitty snort that leaves you wondering whether or not you really heard it. It’s loud. There’s no mistaking EXACTLY what is and EXACTLY where it’s coming from (i.e. me). And I want to share the things that make me gigglesnort (or come really close to it). Cuz I don’t wanna be alone. I KNOW there is someone else out there that will react just as I do. You know who you are.
So to start it all off an email I received this past week from a friend:
A professor at the University of North Carolina was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, “Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?” She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies.”It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.
I have a little late-blooming love for undergarments. But if I had money, it would be a full-blown obsession! I would need a separate closet for just my undergarments! True story. I have my comfy undergarments for some days. The girls need support after all and I’m all about support. But…on the flip side…I just love sexy, frilly, racy, steamy undergarments that just plain make me feel hawt! I am not (I repeat NOT) afraid of thongs. BRING ON THE BUTT FLOSS! Even if no one sees my underwear, I know they are there. And that knowledge it a huge ego boost. HUGE. And the times when someone does get to see them? Honey there’s not enough water in the WORLD to put that fire out!
And since Victoria’s Secret can’t seem to get a fucking clue of what size a REAL sexy woman wears, I have to say how much I love Frederick’s of Hollywood. Frederick’s is this sexy woman’s saving grace. I wouldn’t be able to indulge my addiction without them. Actually, I think it’s time I head upstairs and do some indulging. For me. My ego could use a boost.
The post started out fairly tame. But then I read where it said that Target sells cock rings and I’m all, “The HELL???” So I read it again and I’m all, “WTF???” The author had to be making this up. HAD to be. So I clicked on the link…..and that was all it took. I immediately transformed into a teenage boy, doing my best imitation of Butthead:
Huh huh…huh…uhhhhh…huh huh…you said…huh huh…c-c-c-c-cock…huh huh…huh huh!
But in a much more dignified, womanly manner. Which means that I was drooling on my desk laughing so hard and trying desperately NOT to snort. Oh. My. Gawd. How a few simple words can reduce me to this.
The rest of the post was a blur, since my mind was totally focused on the fact that TARGET SELLS COCK RINGS. Nothing can worm it’s way into my one-track mind at that point. So don’t even try. After my teenage hormones had *somewhat* settled, I HAD to tell people, “Did you know that Target sells cock rings?” Which, of course, pretty much started the giggles all over again.
I don’t know if I will ever truly be able to express my gratitude to her for helping to perpetuate my status of the troublemaker at work. Huh huh…huh huh.
i think the shock treatments have backfired. either that or they were trying to turn me into a nymphomaniac where no one is safe. that would be awesome.
can i really be that fucking hard up? i must be cuz my fav vibrator and dildo are getting more frequest secret visits from me after dumb ass (a.k.a. the husband) has gone to sleep. granted, that’s not the most preferred option, but the member i would love to have a position on is not an option right now. the owner is not talking to me for some reason, and even if he was, the 1700 miles that separates us still poses a pretty significant problem.
looks like i’m still not gettin’ laid. crap.
last chance – 25% off all vibrators for valentine’s day!
maybe hallmark should get in the adult product biz. their new slogan could be “when you care enough to send the very best ………. orgasm”.
oh, but it gets so much weirder…….. i may not remember many details, but i do know that the dream was sexual in nature. let me say again…..WTF????? am i the new monica lewinsky? the new scandal to take down the first african american president in history? holy crap, i’ll be FAMOUS!!!!!
i know that you can’t take dreams at face value and that the whole thing is probably representing something else going on in my mind (something going on in my mind? me? nah, not possible. there’s nothing up there. i’ve got blond roots, remember?). when i woke up, though, all i could think about is how out of left field that was. note to self: no more of those, please. i’m begging you. LOL