Category Archives: food – the root of all evil

I had to do it to make the voices go away.

I just couldn’t help it. Not one bit. While taking my daughter to return her library books (b cuz she told me *tonight* that the books were due back *today* – of course they were), I heard a voice quietly calling my name “staaaaacey”. Then I heard it again a little louder “Staaaaaaaaaaacey”. Well, I guess the voice wanted to make sure it wasn’t ignored, cuz the next thing I heard was “STACEY GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND BUY ME ALREADY, OK?????” What could I do? Sure, I could have resisted temptation, but who needs a waistline anyway? I hear they’re overrated.

They hire geniuses at Burger King, but only the lower level geniuses.

There was no way to avoid getting breakfast on the way to work yesterday morning cuz I was starving. My options near work were REALLY limited, which meant…..Burger King. Oh joy. The total for my #1 with bacon and a small coke was $4.72. Perfect. I had a $10 and needed change to pay someone back. I pulled up to the window, handed the worker my money, and asked if I can have 5 $1 back. He stood there. And stared at me. Obviously, what he must have heard was “What is the square root of 5,732,945?”. WE all know the answer to that, but apparently he missed that day at BKU. I didn’t realize that asking for a specific denomination in my change would give him THAT much pause. Had he stood there any longer, I’m sure I would have started to smell smoke coming from his brain as he frantically tried to comprehend the meaning of life question that I posed to him. Wonder what he would have done if I had asked him a REALLY hard question like, “Do you like green eggs and ham? Do you like them, Sam-I-Am?”

Mondays are just not good days to try to make me think.

Driving one Monday, I saw the Subway sign on the left side of the image. I kept reading it over & over, but was still not getting it. I was just about ready to pass the sign when it finally made sense to me & I started laughing my ass off (cuz Mondays also make things much funnier to me). I decided I HAD to get a picture of it after I passed it & turned around. The other side of the sign (right side of image) made me laugh even harder, so I made sure to take pictures of both.

breakfast of champions….. maybe not…..

my work brings in free breakfast each friday, which i will greatly miss when my job ends up in the shitter. it’s not anything spectacular ….. muffins or doughnuts mostly with the occasional bagels thrown in. sometimes i just wonder if this company is secretly trying to make us all fat. it could happen.

today’s treat is muffins. and not just any ol’ muffins ……. COSTCO muffins! a few of the mixed muffin packages with some fruit thrown in for those that refuse to subject themselves to the gelatenous mess (i will explain) that is the costco muffin. i generally gravitate to the blueberry muffin when there is one bcuz i’ve been waiting for the inevitable throng of people to subside (free food??? HELL YEAH!!!!!). and when there isn’t, chocolate/chocolate chip, bcuz apparently i just don’t have enough self-loathing these days.

i manage to get to the break room while there is still a blueberry or two left. they don’t look the greatest, but then again it is free food. i then stop to talk to a co-worker about mindless shit, cuz it’s friday. i start picking off the top of the muffin and eating it, cuz i’m freakin’ STARVING. i notice that the muffin itself is blue, and not just the blueberries. i’m guessing the baker was just f’n lazy this morning and couldn’t bother him/herself to DRAIN the berries before adding them to the batter. Cuz, it takes all of, like, 10 SECONDS????? moving on ….. i take off the top of the middle, and have to ask “when did they put PUDDING in muffins?” and then i realize ….. my 1st thought was EWWWWWWWW! remember still talking about mindless shit with my co-worker so anything more coherent is probably out of the question. and then i start to wonder just how hungry am i? so i finish my conversation, refusing to touch the now questionably revolting muffin in my hand, and head back to my desk. by then i’m remembering how starving i really am and decide that i can totally pick around it. so i end up scooping out the “gelatenous mess” from the middle and finish my breakfast. what a way to start the morning! i’m so thankful it’s friday……….