i’ve been in utah for 6 years now, and i’ve been to a total of count ’em one…..two bars here. and both have been within the last year. obviously i haven’t converted – how can you even think that? lol with the price of alcohol here + the private club ‘memberships’ (which, finally, are due to go away july 1), it was kind of a pain in the ass to go to clubs for me. well, as the last year has proven, i refuse to let that stop me anymore.

sat nite i went to keys on main with some friends from work. it’s a dueling piano bar in downtown slc. i’ve been to one before in dallas and had an amazing time. i had heard great things about the keys & could not wait to get there! let me tell you the best way to do this is to take trax. trax stops right in front of the bar. you don’t have to worry about paying for parking, let alone finding a spot. and afterwards you’ve got time to sober up on the train. score! now taking trax can be quite entertaining. this time was no exception. some dumb ass decides he’s gonna fuck with the people on the train & starts walking through the car yelling, “tickets!”. he started doing this right behind one of the friends i was with and she actually started to take hers out. that is of course until she realized who was really yelling. he also pulled this trick to new passengers who got on at later stops. whatever floats your boat, dude – you’re a fuckin’ idiot.

the music was great! they played lots of good stuff. the way it works is you request songs w/$$. if it’s played, the song can be stopped for at least $1 more than it was requested for. then can be restarted for at least $1 than it was stopped for, and so on. ‘friends in low places’ was requested, but i guess the players weren’t really wanting to play it, so they kind of encouraged someone to stop it. and someone did. it was a bummer, cuz that song is hella fun (did i really just write ‘hella’? oh fuck!) to sing. luckily someone else felt the same way, cuz they payed $50 to get it going again. totally worth it! especially when they played the verse where you get to say ‘kiss my ass’! we were singin’ loud and laughin’ hard all nite. (trav, they played that tenacious d song you sent me last week to embarrass this one girl. must not have been too embarrassed though, cuz she demonstrated her fav posit on cue multiple times & it was fucking awesome!)

we left the bar just as the show ended, so we could be sure to catch the last train to clarksville (a.k.a. sandy) to get back to our cars. i made the mistake of not going to the bathroom before we left the bar. so the whole train ride back i’m doing EVERYTHING possible to NOT fucking pee my pants cuz we’re still laughing our asses off. at one point, i innocently mentioned that i was the same age as one of the friends on the train. OOPS!!!!! i said earlier that nite that i’m not afraid of 40 (i’m not) but she said she was, so when i mentioned that we were the same age………well you can kind of guess what happened next (but you should know that it was funny as hell – not bad). i had to promise to bring in orange slices to make amends. damn, she’s easy!

we parted company when we got to our trax station & i had one goal (ok 2 goals but i had been holding for so long already, what’s another 30 min.? lol)……………FOOD!!!!! there aren’t too many places open at 2 am, but one of them is a dive mexican place that has really good breakfast burritos. i grabbed one and headed home. i walked in the door & headed straight for the bathroom, where i stayed for like 5 min (is that a record? eh, prolly not), and then ate my food. i must have been starving cuz i ate the WHOLE burrito & i never do that (they are pretty big & have lots of stuff in ‘em). & then? i CRASHED!!!!!

i woke up yesterday morning looking like a racoon and my throat raw from all the singing and laughing. but then it gets weird. my hips and legs are fucking killing me, like i’ve been ridden hard & put away wet. wtf????? we’ve all heard of drunk booty calls, but is there such a thing as a DREAM drunk booty call (cuz there is absolutely NO way in hell that i got any)????? what other explanation could there be? i tried last nite to start this blog post, but i guess i was still in somewhat of a drunk daze, cuz i couldn’t seem to do more than write a few facts. i just didn’t have the mental capacity to do it up right. so i left the draft in there, and allowed it to stew for a bit, knowing that something good would come to me.

so now, we’re to this morning. the drunk daze is gone, but i have like 5 frogs in my throat cuz apparently i still haven’t learned to project from the diaphragm. and………… i remembered to bring the orange slices. i’m all set.