What can I say? I makez pretty peoplez!
Wordless Wednesday – the best picture EVAH!
All posts by theutahhostage
I don’t understand.
He was pissed off. At me. I didn’t understand why. So I asked.
Instead of getting an answer, I was insulted. I was called a whore.
I didn’t understand why.
The insults continued.
I explained that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I didn’t do anything wrong.
I was told that I was not trusted. That I was in danger of crossing a line.
I wasn’t. I was falsely accused.
I never did anything remotely close to what I was being accused of. I know I didn’t. I explained that and the insults stopped. I thought things would calm down.
I was wrong.
Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, I was the bad person again. The insults resumed.
And then it was quiet. He left.
Hours later, I received an apology, but I was still upset. I wasn’t being unreasonable. An apology just didn’t sweep it all away and make it not have happened. And when I explained that?
I was told to bury it.
Not asked.
Told.
Demanded actually.
I was supposed to bury the fact that I had been treated badly. I was supposed to act as if nothing ever happened.
How could I do that? WHY would I do that?
And because I wouldn’t ‘bury it’, I was the bad person all over again. The cycle repeated. The insults resumed.
Except that I still had not done anything wrong.
And I still didn’t understand why.
The next morning, I received another apology. I was told he was wrong. I was told he overreacted. I was told he acted immaturely. But he still didn’t acknowledge that I didn’t do anything wrong.
I explained that I can’t let this keep happening. I can’t continue to be a verbal punching bag. He agreed.
So now I try to get past it. But it’s hard. It gets harder each time. And when I think about what happened…
…I still don’t understand why.
*sigh*
Wordless Wednesday
Now if only I could remember what I did with the disk…..
Hell really has frozen over and I can prove it.
Theorem – Hell has frozen over.
Proof – According to Miriam-Webster’s Dictionary, one of the definitions of hell is:
2 a : a place or state of misery, torment, or wickedness.
Misery.
Torment.
Wouldn’t living in a state I loathe for the past 7 years (7 YEARS? WTF?), dealing with the end of my marriage, and getting laid off from my job in two months qualify for being in a state of misery and/or torment? Yeah, I think so too. *snort* (I promise you there’s more to that list, but then we totally go off-topic and skirt the realm of TMI, so it’s best for me to just keep those to myself.)
Therefore, I am in hell.
And since this is what it looks like today:
We can conclude that hell has truly frozen over.
On My Mind
Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Whew!
This year was a simple one for us, and I for one (maybe the ONLY one) was glad for it. We ended up getting a Honeybaked Ham (instead of being covered in turkey guts) and just had a few sides with it. Trust me that was more than enough. And no tryptophan comas this year. SCORE!
*****
Two weeks left and I will have SURVIVED THE 1ST SEMESTER! Where’s my gold statue? (btw, it’s spelled s-t-a-c-E-Y! *sigh*)
The homework for the four PowerPoint chapters in my computer class is crammed into the next two weeks. I KNOW! Plus the final PowerPoint project is due next week too. I’m actually thinking of doing very little for the final project, or not even doing it at all. I have such a high grade in that class, it wouldn’t hurt.
And then there’s the math final, which shouldn’t be too bad. I hope.
I got an email from the college saying that course evals are now available online and they’re due by Dec. 13th. That gives me plenty of time to figure out what I’m going to say about the psycho professor from hell. It totally goes without saying that I will NOT miss her. At. All.
This Friday I will finally be allowed to register for the spring semester (cuz I’m still low on the credits totem pole). I’ve decided on 2 programming classes, but I still haven’t quite figured out if I will take 2 or 3 more classes and what they will be yet. Good thing work is slow DEAD. It might actually give me a chance to figure that all out by Friday. Or not. I’m still behind on blog reading you know.
*****
November 19th was my one year blogiversary. And my blog stayed silent.
I could blame the silence on work. I could blame it on school. I could blame it on the fact that I killed like a million brain cells when I got totally shitfaced that week. But the truth is…..
I don’t know WHAT the truth is.
I don’t know why I write less and less lately. I don’t know why I remind myself that I need to write, and then find anything else I can think of to do instead (and my office is looking better than ever these days!). I don’t know why I write blog posts in my head when I lay down each night (but not write them down) only to completely forget what the hell I was thinking about when I wake the next morning.
I’m hoping it’s just a phase and that it passes quickly.
*****
I had the strangest dream last week. I was at my high school reunion and NO ONE TALKED TO ME. NO ONE. It was absolutely awful. And then I was asked to be a server of some sort. And I was all WTF? I’m being ignored and now I’m asked to wait on the people who are ignoring me? I so don’t think so. So I left the reunion bawling.
It was SO WEIRD. I already went to my reunion last year. And even though I wasn’t the most popular kid in school (in fact far from it…I was a total band geek), I wasn’t ignored. I did, however, manage to make an ass out of myself a couple of times cuz I totally remembered someone’s face, but completely forgot their name and even called them by a different one. Brilliant Stacey, just plain brilliant.
I’m so sorry Juan! I really do remember you! You can totally accept my Facebook friend request now!
Yeah, like he reads my blog.
WTF?
Originally, I was gonna file this under gigglesnorts. But I really think it falls more under a WTF? Because, obviously.
Seriously?
I’m turning WHAT?????
Inside out?
Upside down?
Japanese? (I don’t really think so, think so, think so, think so.)
Actually…I’m turning 40. 40. The big four-oh. Ugh.
My mom used to have a refrigerator magnet that said:
I’d rather be 40 than pregnant.
Of course, at the time, I was neither 40 nor pregnant. I thought the magnet was silly and told my mother as much. She just laughed and said that she agreed with the sentiment. Fine mom, whatEVER!
Well, 40 is quickly approaching, and I have been pregnant a time or two. I no longer think that my mother’s magnet was silly, but I haven’t quite figured out whether or not I agree with the statement.
Until recently, my age has never bothered me. I’ve been lucky enough to not look my age (and THANKYOUVERYMUCH to whomever had a hand in that!). And I haven’t really exeperienced any real mid-life crisis feelings, unless you count the fact that I’ve poked more holes in my head (like I need more of those, right?). No boy toys, no sports cars, etc. Maybe that happens after I turn 40? Time will have to tell on that.
The only times I have even been slightly weirded out about my age is when I think of how I have an 19-year old son who is in college. College. Oh my GAWD I’m old! It also doesn’t really help that I’m in college now too (can you say potential paradox?).
Over a year ago, I decided that I had no intention of spending my 40th birthday in Utah. No. Way. In. Hell. I was gonna do something fun and something REALLY BIG. And I knew that I wanted to share it with one of my dearest friends. I didn’t even have any idea of what to do then, but she said she was totally up for it. So I put my thinking cap on. I heard the gears turning up there and smelled smoke a couple of times but got no real result. Well…..CRAP!
Then I remembered how much fun I had on a cruise to Cabo I took in 2007 with my friend & an amazing group of gals. And I thought THAT’S WHAT WE SHOULD DO! We always talked of taking another cruise somewhere. And is there a more perfect reason than to commiserate celebrate with someone who is depressed about getting over the hill super excited about being 40 and SEXY!
So in less than two months, we are off on a cruise to the Bahamas! WOOT! I cannot tell you how excited I am to be spending my 40th birthday doing something really big, just like I planned. And with such great women. I know it will be a birthday to remember…..in a good way.
Purge, purge again, and just when you think you’re done, purge some more.
I wouldn’t consider myself a pack rat. Now. When I was younger, though, I started to come pretty darn close. I kept EVERYTHING.
You, know how it is. You keep every little thing because you just KNOW that someday you will need it or be able to use it.
You need more space to store every little thing you keep because you just KNOW that someday you will need it or be able to use it.
You need a bigger home to get more space to store every little thing you keep because you just KNOW that someday you will need it or be able to use it.
You need more money to pay for the bigger home to get more space to store every little thing you keep because you just KNOW that someday you will need it or be able to use it.
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. (There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swalloed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.) I guess you could say the things I have kept are my fly.
Moving has always offered an opportunity to get rid of some stuff. Why pack it when you can purge it, right? Right. But no matter how much I get rid of, I think I only get through the surface and maybe 2-3 underlying layers. Tops.
And then I just start amassing NEW stuff. Such a vicous cycle.
Well, I’m getting closer to breaking the cycle. The downfall of my marriage, my impending “over the hill” status, and getting thrown out on my collective career-ass, just to name a few, have me thinking of ways to simplify my life. FAST.
I’m starting with closing my MK business. Honestly, it’s time. I’ve been trying to decide what to do with it ever since I started, but never actually DOING anything with it. On any level. I just don’t see that getting any better in the near future, so I’m kickin’ it to the curb for now.
Another purge category that is long overdue is my craft items. For years, I was a psychotic craft shopper. Let me clarify something, though. SHOPPING does not imply CREATING. I had ideas of really cool craft projects out the wazoo! Sadly, the ideas never quite panned out or didn’t look as good in real life as they did in my head. Man, everything looks/sounds/feels/is SO much better in my head. Maybe I should just go live there!
The last on my list right now are my collectibles. The Bradford Edition plates that hung on a wall for a mere year out of the decade and a half that I have had them. Oh, and my Cherished Teddies. What the HELL was I thinking? Sure, they are freakin cute as hell, and did manage to be on display in my house(s) for a little longer than the plates. But ever since the hostage crisis began (I really do need to explain that sometime, don’t I?), they have been nothing more than garage dust collectors. I don’t really think that was the artist’s intention and it certainly wasn’t mine either.
eBay/Craigslist/KSL.com and the like are prolly gonna become my temporary best friends here soon. And hopefully things get a little (or a lot) simpler in my life. Think I can sell the husband? Cuz that would REALLY simplify my life lemme tell ya.
So, I’m curious who else out there is a closet pack rat? Come purge with me peeps! You know you want to.
Gigglesnort of the week
I totally have dain bramage, but it’s not from playing foot-bawl without my hehmet and my showdah-mah-pads.
Thanks Tanya for this blast from the past.
Up yours Winter.
Winter is nature’s way of saying, “Up yours.” ~Robert Byrne
Winter was just screwing with us a couple weeks ago when the temperatures finally dropped 30 degrees and there was snow on the ground for about 8 hours. But now I think it may finally be starting to dig in for the long haul.
Then again, maybe not.
The weather people say we’re gonna get snow this weekend and the temps are gonna stay in the 30’s and 40’s for most of the next week. Except you I can never believe those people, so it will probably be balmy 80-degree days instead. It could happen!
Last night, it was raining on my way home from class but I didn’t think anything of it. And then this was what I woke up to this morning:
Pretty, huh? I still think it’s too early, though, to say the weather people were right. I’M KEEPING AN EYE ON YOU PEOPLE! YOU HAVEN’T WON ME OVER YET!
So, it was below freezing this morning, snow on the ground, ice on my car door handles, and what did I do?
Went to Starbucks and got a mocha frappuccino. Just in case.
