All posts by theutahhostage

heeeeere kitty kitty kitty, i wouldn't do this if i didn't need the $$$, life in the fast lane, misc rantings, the internet has brainwashed me, the method to my madness

my chiro is into s&m & i can’t fucking find 12 cents…..

the chiro says that i’m getting better. i’ve gained more range of motion in my neck & i have less numbness in my fingers. but my arm still hurts like a bitch! he wants to start a little more aggressive therapy to get more results faster. so after 4 wks, we’re finally onto the ‘manual’ adjustments. oh joy. i’m wondering if these adjustments aren’t akin to s&m. thank goodness he’s easy on the eyes & has a good sense of humor, otherwise i’m not sure i would let him do this to me. freak! can’t i at least get some foreplay first? ROFL! he actually started these adjustments last friday, and while i really did feel a difference afterwards, they fucking HURT!!!!! guess that just shows how screwed up my body is. i’m still going 3x/week and then we’ll see what’s next after another 4 weeks.

this week being a payroll week didn’t fail to disappoint. the msf pulled their usual crap to try to get paid on sales that they really shouldn’t have. they are getting better about accepting the word ‘no’ cuz they know i won’t put up with their stoopid whining. i’m sorry, you want to get paid on this contract when you didn’t follow procedure? TOO FUCKING BAD!!!!!

i’m playing with new toys on the computer/internet. well, they’re new for me!!!!! since i seem to be much better at communicating on the computer, than any other method, i’m checking out things that just might possibly help me do that (in one form or another) like plinky, twitter, & flickr. i already spend hours on the computer each week, so why not add some more? lol

the work day is nearly over, & i’m so glad cuz i’ve been bored out of my ever lovin’ mind!!!!! with all my normal tasks done (as much as can be) and all the special projects in a holding pattern until more boxes are ready, i’ve been dying!!!!! i’m so glad that i had my hair appointment today to help break up the day. i came back to work feeling vewy pwetty & not giving a rat’s ass about finding the 12 cents i’m out of balance on the payroll report. that’s what monday’s are for.

no real plans this weekend need to finish up my mk inventory this weekend so that we can finish our taxes (that is unless i talk myself into getting up at the butt crack of dawn & driving to centerville to go to a craft warehouse sale with all the other crafting idiots in the state). maybe next year i’ll get my shit together & be better prepared for tax time. eh? prolly not.

i just remembered that i’ve not mentioned that i was even going to a chiro before now. but that’s ok, those that know me know that i’ve been going to one. it’s all good.

& yes, my cat is still alive & my hair elastics are safe…..for now.

freakin weird shit, heeeeere kitty kitty kitty, misc rantings

i swear my cat has a secret death wish…..

either that or she is seriously sadistic.

for some strange freakin’ reason, my cat likes to play with my daughter’s rubber bracelets and my hair elastics. she takes them, carries them in her mouth, bats them around, chews on them, and then drops them in her either food dish or water dish. and it’s usually the water dish…..ew. while she does this, she’s usually crying at them. does she think they’re gonna talk back? i dunno. she mostly does this when no one is home cuz she thinks she can get away with it. it also gives us “presents” when we get home. both my daughter & i were bad about leaving those things out, so i started making sure that everything was put away so the cat wouldn’t take them.

the cat caught on. i still found my hair elastics in her water dish even though i KNOW i had them put away. come to find out that she was OPENING THE DRAWER they are in & STEALING them for her play time!!!!! this made me start to question what the hell she was thinking, cuz she knows she gets yelled at when she takes them. so why would she deliberately go into my drawer and take them? are they orgasmic for her? wtf????? i took a new tactic, closing the bathroom door. if the door is closed, then she can’t get into the drawer & steal my hair elastics, right?

wrong. cuz it never fails that someone (myself included) forgets and leaves the bathroom door open. & she’s just waiting to pounce on such an opportunity. she’s now not afraid to try this while we are home, as long as we are downstairs. she’s been caught slinking downstairs with the elastic in her mouth seeing if she can get past us without being seen. of course i get furious at her & she freaks. but does she stop doing it? hell no.

so yesterday morning, i’m getting ready for work. i took an elastic out of the drawer and set it on the counter. before i finished my hair, i ran downstairs to do something on the computer. i was gone FIVE MINUTES. i went back upstairs & continued to get ready. meanwhile, the cat is downstairs crying. sometimes she does this to make sure that she is not alone in the house. i didn’t think it was anything more than that…..at first. but she kept crying & crying & crying. then it doned on me…….SHE FUCKING STOLE MY ELASTIC!!!!! i looked at the counter, and sure enough…..it was gone. so i take off downstairs fuming, ready to KILL. the cat was under the table with my elastic. she started to bolt, & i know she was thinking, “oh shit…..i’m fucked!”. i blocked her path, so she tried to get around another direction…..blocked again. then she crouched down under the table, so she must have decided she better just take it & get it over with. the whole time i’m yelling at her & she’s crying back at me. as if her pleas would have any affect on me, cuz tomorrow she would do the same thing in a heartbeat if i let her. i wasn’t even finished ranting at her & she managed to get free & take off. damn! what a let down! lol but i finished getting ready for work in silence.

i got home from work last night. the cat came down the stairs, saw me, & bolted right back up. so at least i know the impression is still there for now……my hair elastics get a temporary reprieve.

entertainment, misc rantings, the method to my madness, tv is the devil

we should line up the tv people in front of a firing squad for their crappy series finales…..

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i’m wondering if tv isn’t just a big conspiracy. you may be asking if i’m just ranting…..damn straight i’m ranting! you get hooked on a show & it never fails that for SOME reason, the freakin’ rug gets pulled out from under you.

i got hooked into kyle xy on abc family. watched it diligently like a good little minion. i noticed not too long ago that all the previews were saying “the final episodes”. and i’m all crap! another show i like being cancelled! do i have cooties or something that causes the shows i like to be cancelled? i still watch (being the good little minion that i am) and i have to say there was a really good build-up to the series finale last monday. the finale itself kept my interest & i’m waiting for all the little pieces to fall into place the way they’re supposed to in a final episode. then i notice the clock. it’s getting awfully close to the end of the show, and yet, nothing has really been resolved. and i’m thinking “damn they better wrap this up quick!” well, THAT TOTALLY DID NOT HAPPEN! they literally dropped a few bombshells that left the story WAY too open. wtf????? don’t do this to me! i’d love to just line ’em all up in front of a firing squad for getting me all excited & then dash my hopes of a (if even somewhat) happy ending over & over & OVER again!

i found this great recap that absolutely says it all. and click here to see some answers from a writer/co-producer of the show.

why the hell do i even bother watching tv anymore? cuz i’m a good little minion…..

life's injustices, misc rantings, weather

snow snow go away, come again ………. NEVER!!!!!

mother nature needs to stop screwing with us. last week was gorgeous – by friday, we were in the 70’s. a little soon to be that warm, but we weren’t complaining. sunday came and all bets were off. the temp started to drop, it was really windy & we got a little rain. no biggie. i can handle that. by monday am, it was snowing AGAIN!!!!! i mean, come on! no more f’n snow! i’m DONE!!!!!
dreams, plinky prompts, the method to my madness

why should i make a bucket list? i’m going to live forever…..

yep, i’m in my ‘immortal’ frame of mind again. lol but, i guess i could list a few things on the off chance that i DO actually kick the bucket. limiting the list to 5 (cuz that’s what plinky asked for) is harder than you think and if i were to really do the list right, it would be MUCH longer (as i’m sure most people’s would). you also may notice that i seem to be in somewhat of a daredevil phase….. (would you say #5 counts as that? lol)
take a ride in a hot air balloon
i’ve always wanted to do this. it looks like it would be such a peaceful ride & i imagine the view would be beautiful! every year, provo has a hot air balloon event as part of their freedom festival (4th of july). it’s so amazing to see all those balloons take off early in the morning…..
get a bachelor’s degree
yeah, i’m pushing 40, & i still have not done this. my ‘year off’ from school (as i told my parents when i grad from hs) was indefinitely extended. life has a tendancy to intevene in even your best laid plans…..
go skydiving/bungee jumping
why the hell not? live life to the fullest! what i do think is funny, though, is that i have issues with those slingshot-type rides at ammusement parks. and yet i want to throw myself out of a plane/off a platform & hope that i don’t go splat on the earth below. interesting, don’t you think?
travel to greece/ireland
i’m combining a couple of places from my travel goal list for this one. these are two places i would really love to see before i ‘go’. i seem to be drawn to islands/water. does that mean something?
make love in hawaii under a waterfall
but not with just anyone…..
alcohol is good, entertainment, life in the fast lane, music for the masses, the method to my madness

it’s a duel – pistols pianos at 10 paces keys on main at high noon 9 pm…..

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i’ve been in utah for 6 years now, and i’ve been to a total of count ’em one…..two bars here. and both have been within the last year. obviously i haven’t converted – how can you even think that? lol with the price of alcohol here + the private club ‘memberships’ (which, finally, are due to go away july 1), it was kind of a pain in the ass to go to clubs for me. well, as the last year has proven, i refuse to let that stop me anymore.

sat nite i went to keys on main with some friends from work. it’s a dueling piano bar in downtown slc. i’ve been to one before in dallas and had an amazing time. i had heard great things about the keys & could not wait to get there! let me tell you the best way to do this is to take trax. trax stops right in front of the bar. you don’t have to worry about paying for parking, let alone finding a spot. and afterwards you’ve got time to sober up on the train. score! now taking trax can be quite entertaining. this time was no exception. some dumb ass decides he’s gonna fuck with the people on the train & starts walking through the car yelling, “tickets!”. he started doing this right behind one of the friends i was with and she actually started to take hers out. that is of course until she realized who was really yelling. he also pulled this trick to new passengers who got on at later stops. whatever floats your boat, dude – you’re a fuckin’ idiot.

the music was great! they played lots of good stuff. the way it works is you request songs w/$$. if it’s played, the song can be stopped for at least $1 more than it was requested for. then can be restarted for at least $1 than it was stopped for, and so on. ‘friends in low places’ was requested, but i guess the players weren’t really wanting to play it, so they kind of encouraged someone to stop it. and someone did. it was a bummer, cuz that song is hella fun (did i really just write ‘hella’? oh fuck!) to sing. luckily someone else felt the same way, cuz they payed $50 to get it going again. totally worth it! especially when they played the verse where you get to say ‘kiss my ass’! we were singin’ loud and laughin’ hard all nite. (trav, they played that tenacious d song you sent me last week to embarrass this one girl. must not have been too embarrassed though, cuz she demonstrated her fav posit on cue multiple times & it was fucking awesome!)

we left the bar just as the show ended, so we could be sure to catch the last train to clarksville (a.k.a. sandy) to get back to our cars. i made the mistake of not going to the bathroom before we left the bar. so the whole train ride back i’m doing EVERYTHING possible to NOT fucking pee my pants cuz we’re still laughing our asses off. at one point, i innocently mentioned that i was the same age as one of the friends on the train. OOPS!!!!! i said earlier that nite that i’m not afraid of 40 (i’m not) but she said she was, so when i mentioned that we were the same age………well you can kind of guess what happened next (but you should know that it was funny as hell – not bad). i had to promise to bring in orange slices to make amends. damn, she’s easy!

we parted company when we got to our trax station & i had one goal (ok 2 goals but i had been holding for so long already, what’s another 30 min.? lol)……………FOOD!!!!! there aren’t too many places open at 2 am, but one of them is a dive mexican place that has really good breakfast burritos. i grabbed one and headed home. i walked in the door & headed straight for the bathroom, where i stayed for like 5 min (is that a record? eh, prolly not), and then ate my food. i must have been starving cuz i ate the WHOLE burrito & i never do that (they are pretty big & have lots of stuff in ‘em). & then? i CRASHED!!!!!

i woke up yesterday morning looking like a racoon and my throat raw from all the singing and laughing. but then it gets weird. my hips and legs are fucking killing me, like i’ve been ridden hard & put away wet. wtf????? we’ve all heard of drunk booty calls, but is there such a thing as a DREAM drunk booty call (cuz there is absolutely NO way in hell that i got any)????? what other explanation could there be? i tried last nite to start this blog post, but i guess i was still in somewhat of a drunk daze, cuz i couldn’t seem to do more than write a few facts. i just didn’t have the mental capacity to do it up right. so i left the draft in there, and allowed it to stew for a bit, knowing that something good would come to me.

so now, we’re to this morning. the drunk daze is gone, but i have like 5 frogs in my throat cuz apparently i still haven’t learned to project from the diaphragm. and………… i remembered to bring the orange slices. i’m all set.

entertainment, freakin weird shit, music for the masses, the method to my madness, tv is the devil

*updated* i think pandora has been taken over by the trolls from ‘the 10th kingdom’ that sang the bee gees cuz they thought it was magic…..

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pandora is my savior at work…..no joke. it also makes me freakin’ laugh my ass off sometimes!

today i was listening to the kc & the sunshine band station i created recently cuz i absolutely needed something upbeat to keep me awake. i took a break from listening, but forgot to pause the music. when i finally went back to it, i scrolled to see what had played and i see that ‘lady in red’ played. wtf? really? it’s a damn disco station, and it played ‘lady in red’? freak! my boss has said that her abba station plays the beatles and other weird stuff too. don’t get me wrong, i have nothing against any of these bands/songs at all. but when i’m in a mood for a certain type of music, if something weird gets thrown in there, it totally throws off my mojo. lol and it’s just weird that they’re being played on disco stations. diiiissssscoooo. so i start to think that pandora has been taken over by trolls. and not just any trolls, but the trolls from ‘the 10th kingdom’. if you’ve ever seen that tv show, you know the trolls of which i speak. the trolls go to through a portal to modern-day nyc trying to find a prince who’s been turned into a dog by an evil witch who is trying to kill him. they happen upon a cassette boom box that has the bee gees ‘night fever’ in it and think it’s magic. they take the boom box & play the song over & over until the batteries die and they chuck it cuz our magic sucks. lol i think they decided to take my disco music to their kingdom and leave me with freakin’ ‘lady in red’. just great.

update: thank god for you tube (can i say that if i’m agnostic?). if not for you tube, those who have not seen ‘the 10th kingdom’ would be sitting there scratching their heads, asking, “wtf is she talking about? trolls in pandora and on tv?”

you should know that the trolls didn’t actually think the bee gees were magic. they thought the boom box was magic. but if you think about it, the bee gees really are magic i think (& there’s no way you can convince me otherwise so just suck it!) no man can sing THAT high without some kind of magic. maybe it’s magic psychedelic mushrooms that make you fall asleep while playing ‘whiter shade of pale’ so vines can grow all over you and make you never wake up. lol

i turn the radio (regular radio – not pandora) on as i’m frantically trying to find my daughter’s new school on my way to work this morning, and ‘stayin’ alive’ is playing. i shit you not! fate is a funny thing. i had to laugh even harder cuz the station was playing aha’s ‘take on me’ over the top of it. i think the trolls have gotten in there too.
family, life's injustices, things that make me sad

goodbye jim…..

my son’s grandfather (the sperm donor’s dad) passed away on monday. my son is taking this really hard and i feel for him. they had the wonderful opportunity to really get to know each other. i’m so glad for that. i don’t have many details, but my understanding is that it was cardiac failure of some sort. it is sad that he is gone, but i was told he didn’t suffer, which is good.

i can’t say that he & i had the best relationship. for a long time, the man thought i was the anti-christ, the devil incarnate or something inherently evil. however, he did come to realize at some point that it totally takes two to tango & that i wasn’t the worst parent in the world. once he did that, things changed between us. i know that he was only looking out for his family and after all that, i can honestly say that he was a good man.

rest in peace jim. you will be missed.

life's injustices, S-E-X is NOT dirty, the method to my madness, tv is the devil

i’m looking for someone with a position available on his penis…..

2 Comments
so i’m watching a house re-run where house is at the cia. he says to another dr, “you know, i have a position available on my penis.”, and i was all ready to strip off my clothes and jump into the tv screaming, “i’ll accept that position, hell yeah! i’ve got an ‘ache’ that only you can cure.” then i ride him right there on the hospital bed, restarting his heart a couple of times until we’re both screaming in ecstasy cuz i’m just that fucking good. hoo-ah!

can i really be that fucking hard up? i must be cuz my fav vibrator and dildo are getting more frequest secret visits from me after dumb ass (a.k.a. the husband) has gone to sleep. granted, that’s not the most preferred option, but the member i would love to have a position on is not an option right now. the owner is not talking to me for some reason, and even if he was, the 1700 miles that separates us still poses a pretty significant problem.

looks like i’m still not gettin’ laid. crap.

food - the root of all evil, freakin weird shit, misc rantings, the method to my madness

breakfast of champions….. maybe not…..

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my work brings in free breakfast each friday, which i will greatly miss when my job ends up in the shitter. it’s not anything spectacular ….. muffins or doughnuts mostly with the occasional bagels thrown in. sometimes i just wonder if this company is secretly trying to make us all fat. it could happen.

today’s treat is muffins. and not just any ol’ muffins ……. COSTCO muffins! a few of the mixed muffin packages with some fruit thrown in for those that refuse to subject themselves to the gelatenous mess (i will explain) that is the costco muffin. i generally gravitate to the blueberry muffin when there is one bcuz i’ve been waiting for the inevitable throng of people to subside (free food??? HELL YEAH!!!!!). and when there isn’t, chocolate/chocolate chip, bcuz apparently i just don’t have enough self-loathing these days.

i manage to get to the break room while there is still a blueberry or two left. they don’t look the greatest, but then again it is free food. i then stop to talk to a co-worker about mindless shit, cuz it’s friday. i start picking off the top of the muffin and eating it, cuz i’m freakin’ STARVING. i notice that the muffin itself is blue, and not just the blueberries. i’m guessing the baker was just f’n lazy this morning and couldn’t bother him/herself to DRAIN the berries before adding them to the batter. Cuz, it takes all of, like, 10 SECONDS????? moving on ….. i take off the top of the middle, and have to ask “when did they put PUDDING in muffins?” and then i realize ….. my 1st thought was EWWWWWWWW! remember still talking about mindless shit with my co-worker so anything more coherent is probably out of the question. and then i start to wonder just how hungry am i? so i finish my conversation, refusing to touch the now questionably revolting muffin in my hand, and head back to my desk. by then i’m remembering how starving i really am and decide that i can totally pick around it. so i end up scooping out the “gelatenous mess” from the middle and finish my breakfast. what a way to start the morning! i’m so thankful it’s friday……….